Posted in Lore

BOGOs. More Evidence that the World is for Twosomes

Instead of clipping, sorting, and filing newspaper ad coupons every week, I watch for coupons through member perks.  Everyone has a membership program these days.  I have three coffee shop apps that track my activity, send me coupons, and even let me pay, all on my phone.  Everyone from convenience stores to Chinese restaurants message me to stop in and pick up the latest special just for the trouble of showing them the text.  

Text coupons are convenient.  They don’t clutter up my purse.  I always have them with me.  There is nothing to throw out when they expire.  The problem?   Half of these coupons are BOGOs.


Embed from Getty Images

Technically, I’m not a single.  I’m not married, but Bubba and I are a pair.  Two peas in the same pod.  I’d love nothing more than to take him out on one of my BOGOs and spend a lazy morning conversing over two cups of coffee, one of them free.  Except he doesn’t like coffee.  He doesn’t like hot chocolate, frozen blended drinks, or teas — neither hot nor iced.  The only thing he wants from my coffee shop is a muffin and a Coke.  And he doesn’t want to laze around watching the sun come up while eating his muffin.  No.  In fact if you blink, you might miss seeing him eat it at all.  So I happily go alone.

When my kids were in school, they sold coupon books for fundraisers.  My mom would probably have bought one, except they were mostly BOGOs and she was a widow.  When they were both alive, Mom was a loner, and had no problem seeing a movie or stopping for lunch by herself.    A BOGO would have gone unused even then.

I get what they’re doing.  They want your business, but they also want you to bring someone else.  That way they can get more add-on sales with food, beverages or desserts.  They’re also trying to double their pay-off for the marketing.  Except they are excluding half of their audience, so in a way I really don’t get it.

Cup of Caribou Coffee
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For Valentine’s Day, my coffee shop sent out a BOGO text.  I wondered how irritating that is to those who have no valentine, or for those who have loved and lost.  It’s not enough that I have to listen to those horrible diamond commercials on the radio.  Now I have to consider buying two small lattes in the drive-through, drinking them both on the way home.

How about they just give me a percentage off my entrée?  Or a free dessert?  What about buy a coffee, and get a free muffin?  Now that’s something Bubba could sink his teeth into.  Or swallow whole, whichever comes first.

Peace . . .

 

 

Cupid Arrested

Carvaggio, 1608 Sleeping Cupid
Carvaggio, 1608
Sleeping Cupid

Cupid, pictured here, was found passed out in an alley, Thursday, February 14, 2013.  Witnesses allude to the smell of alcohol lingering in the air, but authorities have not yet corroborated this.  Cupid has been charged with indecent exposure, public nuisance, and possession of an unregistered lethal weapon.  Reports as to whether he will be charged as an adult remain unsupported.  While Cupid’s lawyers advised him to remain silent, sources say the minor was overheard making statements indicating he had been fired from his position.

Our network of reporters have learned that a team of do-gooders, led by one blogger using the alias of WholeyJeans has severely diminished the demand for Cupid’s work.  The blogger posted a seemingly harmless game, aimed at making good in the world while raising Valentine’s Day spirits.  The team proposed to turn February 14th from a day of unrealistic expectations and relentless let-downs to a day of love and peace for unsuspecting citizens.  It seems these purported do-gooders overlooked the expectations of a mythical winged boy with a bow and a dream.

The suspects are listed in the order of the prizes they received at the culmination of this game.  Prizes are not subject to be collected as evidence for Cupid’s defense, as they are intangible.

Grand Prize Winner!BigPinkHeart
This lovely lady is awarding Lois at LivingSimplyFree a big pink heart.  There was supposed to be an authentic Cupid’s Arrow through it, but as his bow and arrow were confiscated at the time of arrest, none will be forthcoming.

Lois is said to have enlisted the aid of minors as carriers of valentines to unwitting elderly neighbors.  Other links to this ring include Lois’ middle name being that of “Jean.”  Coincidence?  This reporter thinks not.

Greeting_Card_Valentine_1887_WhitneyFirst Prize Winner!
Recognizing someone who serves coffee with a smile, Irish Katie turned the tables, serving a valentine to her favorite barista!  This gutsy lass warmed the heart of the gal who warms her espresso.  Approaching someone in public demonstrates the lengths this ring will take to circulate their movement.

As a first place winner, Katie will receive virtual hugs and kisses form this sweet little flaxen-haired angel.

puppy love
Puppy Love Honorable Mention

Honorable Mention
In an unprecedented move, WholeyJeans, having not mentioned this honorable prize, is awarding InSearchOfItAll an honorable mention.  If this participant is any indication, this campaign may soon cross all demographic and geographic boundaries. The senior citizen sent flowers across 2,000 miles to an ex-sister-in-law.  It has not yet been confirmed if these miles are as the crow flies.  Correspondence was cryptically coded, as “feeling blue” and putting “the pink back in my cheeks.”  Anyone with more information should contact authorities immediately.

Other Instant Winners:

Despite having bad experiences with February 14th, this member of the coup bought little boxes of conversation hearts for the girls in the office and Snoopy valentines for the lab.  Spreading joy one conversation heart at a time.  Sneaky . . . very sneaky.

Paula is an active member of the ring, dispersing Valentine jubilation to three innocent acquaintances, not to mention the “surprises” she had already mailed of her own accord before being prompted by WholeyJeans.

Kristin is thought to possibly be the organizer behind this whole ring.  Claiming this is “her kind of game,” she has enlisted her in-laws as her recipients.  With her organizing talents, Kristen could easily escalate this assembly of do-gooders monumentally.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please be on the lookout for this list of suspects and approach them carefully.  They are considered contagious by local administration.  You may recognize them by the sparkle in their eye, infallible evidence of having received an “instant win.”

Thanks for playing, everyone!  I hope your “instant win” was as great as mine.

 
Posted in Fun

Valentine’s Day Game-ON!

valentine

I’m so tired of hearing about how everyone hates Valentine’s Day.  You might reply, “That’s easy for you to say, you have Bubba.”  Let me tell you a thing about Bubba and me.  We refuse to assimilate to the expectations of modern society.  In other words, we are disgusted by holidays that get all blown out of proportion because someone is trying to make a buck.

  • Are you dreading Valentine’s Day because you don’t have anyone to share it with?  Share it with a friend, an offspring, or go take your mom and/or dad out to dinner for crying out loud!  If you really don’t have ANYone who wants to be with you for a couple of hours, you have more problems than worrying about getting a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
  • Are you spending hours trying to come up with an original Valentine’s gift?  Let me clue you in.  If she/he is going to be disappointed because you didn’t come up with something that has never been thought of before, you should be spending those hours trying to find a way out.
  • Are you hoping for a proposal?  Isn’t that rather trite?  How about Friday, September 13th.  Now that’s a good day for a proposal!
  • Are you lamenting over how to propose?  Wowing someone with a ring is easy.  It’s the next 50 years that get tricky.  You’re setting the bar here.  Make sure you set it low enough that you have room to raise it every 5 years or so.  You’re going to need that wiggle room.  I’d also like to know why we don’t hear about women proposing?  Aren’t we supposed to be all equal and everything?

..~~*~~..

Before you go criticizing me for being a romantic party-pooper, let me tell you that I am very romantic.  I think that covering me with a blanket after I’ve fallen asleep on the couch is a sign of true love.  Talking to me about the philosophical significance of The Tree of Life is a turn on.  Bringing home Sezchuan on Friday night is the fastest way to my heart, and possibly heartburn, but I digress.  I love love.  This is all I require, but I require it constantly.  Not just every February 14th.  On February 14th Bubba and I like to gorge ourselves on some of those mini pink and red cupcakes and joke about how we didn’t need reservations.

cupcake

Have I depressed you yet?  Good.  Let’s pick up our spirits with a little game.  Everyone gets a prize, so you can’t lose!

  1. How It Works:  This is an instant-win game beginning immediately and ending at 11:59:59 PM PT February 15th, 2013 (The day after Valentine’s Day).  One Grand Prize will also be available to be won during the promotion period.  In addition there will be a First Prize(s) available to be won during this promotion period.  The Grand Prize will be revealed online at WholeyJeans.wordpress.com by Sunday, February 17th, 2013 at 11:59:59 PM PT.  See Rule #5 for Prize details available to be won during promotion period.  No purchase is necessary, nor is it possible.
  2. Eligibility:  The Game is open to all married, single, divorced, partnered, widowed registrants ages 2 or older as of the date of participation.  Employees of WholeyJeans World Headquarters (Barney, Sabbath, and Bun), and promotion agencies (Bubba) are not eligible.  All federal, state, local, and especially household laws apply.
  3. How To Register:  Any time between now and the end of the promotion period (see Rule #1), submit your entry in the comment section of this post.  Entry must include 1) Participant’s intended recipient (by description only — no name required), and 2) Detail of how you played/will play the game (See Rule #4).  Then click “post comment” to successfully complete your registration.
  4. How to Play:  Participant must choose a non-romantic recipient to acknowledge for Valentine’s Day, such as a favorite cashier, co-worker, administrative assistant, receptionist, neighbor, server, or anyone Participant sees regularly, but has never acknowledged for Valentine’s Day.  Participant may acknowledge their recipient through email, verbally, anonymously, by card/gift/song, through postal delivery, or any other generosity.  Recipient must know this benevolence is in celebration of Valentine’s Day, and understand why they are appreciated by Participant.
  5. Available Game Prizes:  The Grand Prize and First Prize(s) will be revealed online at WholeyJeans.wordpress.com by the end of the day on Sunday, February 16, 2013.  The winners of the Grand Prize and First Prize(s) will be at the discretion of WholeyJeans.
    • Grand Prize:  An Official Cupid’s Arrow through the heart, and top mention on the Prize Reveal Post on Sunday, February 17, 2013.
    • First Prize(s):  Authenticated Valentine Hugs (kisses if appropriate) and mentions on the Prize Reveal Post on Sunday, February 17, 2013.
    • Honorable Mentions:  May be awarded as necessary.
    • Instant Prize Winners:  Every Participant is an Instant Prize Winner!  Instant Prize will be awarded upon completion of Game Rule #4 in the form of heartfelt joy, a smile to be worn across the face, and a positive attitude adjustment toward Valentine’s Day.
    • All winners will be linked to their related blogs, if applicable.  All winners will be notified by comment reply to their registration.
  6. Release of Liability:  By accepting any Prize, Winners (and parent/legal guardian if Winner is a minor in his/her state of residence) agree to hold Employees of WholeyJeans World Headquarters (Barney, Sabbath, and Bun), and promotion agencies (Bubba) harmless against any and all claims of giddiness, kindness, or softening of the heart arising out of acceptance, redemption, and/or use of any Prize.

NOTICE:  ANY ATTEMPT OF AN INDIVIDUAL TO DELIBERATELY UNDERMINE VALENTINE’S DAY OR THE OPERATION OF THIS GAME IS A VIOLATION OF GLOBAL LOVE AND PEACE, AND SHOULD SUCH AN ATTEPT BE MADE, SPONSOR RESERVES THE RIGHT TO POKE HOLES IN EACH OF SAID INDIVIDUAL’S CHOCOLATE HEART ASSORTMENT.

Now go find your unsuspecting target.
Game on!