Posted in Whimsical Wednesday

If dogs had hands

What if dogs had hands? You know . . . with opposable thumbs and the whole nine yards.

Mostly likely they wouldn’t be practicing Chopin on the piano, or sharpening any craftsman skills.  Picture toddlers that never grow up.

The first thing they’d do would be to go in-and-out-and-in-and-out all day long. They’d hear a dog bark and they would throw open the door, let it bang against the wall, and tear out into the yard barking — at any hour of the day or night.

UntitledThere would be no training them to shut the door quietly, if we could get them to shut it at all. They wouldn’t be trainable at all, because they’d have free access to all the treats they could eat. I’d hold out a milk bone, command them to sit, and they’d look at me, walk into the kitchen, and grab a handful of chips. They’d walk over to the tv, flip over to Animal Planet, sit on the couch and mindlessly let the crumbs fall between the cushions.

Can you imagine trying to walk a dog who could reach up and detach their leash whenever they wanted to veer off the sidewalk? Instead of barking at the mail carrier through the closed door, they’d open it up and chase her down the street.

Then again, maybe they’d learn to throw frisbees and balls to each other and they’d stop nagging me. Maybe instead of waking me up in the morning to be let out and pour a bowl of kibble, they’d simply do it themselves. Maybe they’d actually get up and make a nice pancake breakfast with sausage and eggs for the whole family. Yeah . . . highly unlikely.

What would your pets do if they had hands?

Peace . . .