Posted in Family


The organist and vocalist were late. I hated my dress. I had little say in the flowers. Yet, there was a smile on my face. I was following in the footsteps of those young women who had gone down the aisle before me. No, not my bridesmaids — the women who followed in the footsteps of their mothers and their mother’s mothers before them.

The person who walked down the aisle that day so many years ago seems like a completely different person from the one who writes here today. I had different beliefs, even though my values have remained the same. We base our beliefs on myths and facts  that updated as new information becomes available.

Values are the things we find important, and although the priorities of our values may shift with time or age, they typically remain unchanged. I value love, but I no longer believe marriage is the only way to secure it. Does that help explain it? Life doesn’t grant do-overs, but it does grant start-overs, and we are all encouraged to grow and evolve.

barbara-billingsleyJune Cleaver and Mary Scott were my role models. June Cleaver was a fictional character on a black and white television show where men came home from work expecting quiet children and dinner on the table. June was known for her impeccable dresses and tidy pearls.

20580367823_243881f7c6_zMary Scott was my grandmother. She was a non-fictional character who watched me while my mother worked. She was known for her jet-black hair, slight frame, and dainty gestures.

Both June and Mary believed it was the woman’s duty and privilege to run the home while their husbands worked. Their homes were always as tidy as their skirts by the time their spouse returned home, and they knew how to get a steaming dinner on the table at the same time each day. Boy, did I have a rude awakening!

It’s hard to talk about how I might have done things differently if I had a the chance. After all, I might have had different children, or no children at all. I’d have waited. I’d have learned more about myself. I’d have considered the impact my choices make on the world, and my life. But life doesn’t give us do-overs. Fortunately, it does give us start-overs.

Is it time to update your beliefs? What myths might you hold as truth? What facts must be updated with new information? What are your values? Do you need to reprioritize them based on a change in your life, age, job, or family?

My children are waiting for marriage and children. I’m proud of the choices they’re making. If they do decide to do either, they’ll have so much more to offer their spouse and/or children. They’ll have a better idea of how to live with other people. They’ll have a better grasp of their own values and beliefs, and not rely on ones borrowed from their parents, grandparents, or fictional t.v. characters.

It’s okay to change your beliefs. It’s okay to realign your values. It doesn’t mean you’re a whole different person. It means you’re evolving.

Peace . . .

Posted in Lore

Married White Women are the Problem

I had this post I was writing, and somehow I lost it. It’s. Just. Gone.

So that was disappointing. And now that you can’t read it, I can tell you it was probably the most amazing and life-changing post you were ever going to read. Instead, I will leave you with a YouTube link that was kind of the inspiration for the awesome post I lost.

I wanted to serve you an ice cold margarita in a frosted glass with lime on the rim. Now all I have is lemons. Enjoy your lemonade.

Peace . . .


All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation

Posted in Lore

To Whom Do You Give Thanks?

English: "The First Thanksgiving at Plymo...
English: “The First Thanksgiving at Plymouth” (1914) By Jennie A. Brownscombe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanksgiving may well be another frontier over which Americans choose to become ever more divided.  Yes, even the dinner table — on a national holiday, in a country that guarantees our civil liberties — can become a battlefield for our beliefs.

I am dismayed at how many people have been telling me to have a “happy holiday” this week.  I simply cannot believe that the word thanksgiving is cause for offense to anyone.  I am thrilled that we finally accept that there are many different beliefs in this country.  I am ecstatic that we are aware of the many different holidays that occur at this time of year.  But I thought that Thanksgiving was one holiday that we could surely all celebrate in unison.

The Pilgrims were thankful to God, specifically their Christian god, for all they had been given, including religious freedom in this new world.  They celebrated with the Pokanokets who were, themselves, no strangers of thankfulness to their creator.  The Pilgrims thanked God for providing these natives who had taught them how to live in this strange and coarse wilderness.

It was this first flight from religious restriction that allows us the privilege to accept, respect and incorporate so many different beliefs into one society.  Are we not all thankful — every race, color, religion, gender, or creed?  As an Atheist, am I not thankful?  You might ask, to whom does an Atheist give thanks, if not to a god?

I am thankful to those who have fought to defend my civil liberties.  I am thankful to my parents for the tangible and intangible gifts they continue to give me long after their death.  I am thankful to my children, with whom I exchange love unquestioningly.  I am thankful to Bubba for all he gives me to smile and laugh about.  I am thankful to my employer who shows appreciation with a paycheck and benefits that allow me to live a healthy, happy life.  I am thankful to the intelligent people who have given me all the technologies that make life easy and fun.

There is so much to take for granted, or even bitch about in this life.  Thanksgiving is a time for all people to remember not only the things we have been given, but be thankful for them.  Observing thankfulness spans all cultures, nations, and religions with all the beliefs they bring with them.  Gratitude, we have learned, is a healthy, healing undertaking.  For one religion to claim rights to Thanksgiving because some of the first people to observe it were Christian is like saying the Native Americans gave us high fructose corn syrup because they showed us how to plant corn.

Peace . . .

To whom and for what are you thankful today?