Posted in Lore

Scut Farkus for President

I’m not one to get up on a soapbox when it comes to politics.  One politician is, in my humble opinion, as bad or good as the next.  However, I feel the time has come for me to bring to light something that has been glaringly overlooked.  The closest thing I have to a soapbox is my bottle of liquid detergent, so without further adieu, let me begin.


Donald R. Trump is not a politician.  He is the neighborhood bully you wouldn’t have voted into class presidency.  He is a spoiled, egocentric, tyrant who never received the good whooping he had coming to him.  In fact, I have indisputable evidence that he is Scut Farkus from A Christmas Story, all growA-Christmas-Story-1983n up and running for president.

Please tell me you’ve seen the holiday movie A Christmas Story.  It’s the classic tale of a nine-year old boy who wants only one thing for Christmas — A Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model Air Rifle.

So who is Scut Farkus, and why am I telling you this story when there are still 292 days until Christmas?  Scut Farkus is the little shit bully who torments our protagonist, Ralphie Parker.  And I’m claiming Farkus grew up, changed his name to Trump, and is now running for the presidency of the United States of America.  By the time you’re done reading this, I think you’ll be convinced as well.

When we meet Scut Farkus, he’s cornering Ralphie and his two buddies, Flick and Schwartz, along with Ralphie’s little brother Randy in an alley.  Farkus lets out an evil laugh.  The narrator, adult Ralphie says,

“There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! SO HELP ME GOD, YELLOW EYES!!”  

The boys run to escape, but are cut short by Grover Dill, Scut’s crummy little toady.  Every bully needs a toady to do his dirty work.  Bullies don’t typically have the grit for it, and dare I say, neither does Trump.

I’ve seen a lot of comparisons of Trump to Mussolini or even Hitler.  One included a who-said-it game, and I thought that might be valuable here.  Unfortunately, Farkus didn’t say much in this movie, so this isn’t a long game, but let’s see if you can play along.


  1. Listen, jerk.  When I tell you to come, you better come.
  2. I don’t like losers.
  3. I’m not doing that to brag. Because you know what, I don’t have to brag.
  4. What?  Are you gonna cry now?  Come on crybaby, cry for me.
  5. She’s a fat pig.

Scroll to the bottom for the answers.

The narrator goes on to tell us, “In our world, you were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims!”  Yet, Ralphie proves he is none of these when, finally, he is pushed to his breaking point.  His hot tears turn to rage and he rams into Trump . . . er, I mean . . . Farkus, and knocks him to the ground.  Ralphie pummels the bully to a bloody pulp, while his toady, Dill, runs home to his Dad.

If Trump ends up being our Republican candidate, which it looks like he will, I can’t wait to see who his crummy little toady is, but I’ll bet he was once known as Grover Dill.  You’ll know him by the way his lips curl over his green teeth.

If you’re still considering voting for Trump, please check out these common traits of bullies:

  • Are often strong
  • May or may not be popular with their peers
  • Have trouble following the rules
  • Show little concern for the feelings of others
  • Think highly of themselves
  • Often a sign that a person has not learned to control his or her aggression

Does this sound like a certain Republican you know?  Is this the person you want leading the United States of America?

This year you will have the choice to be a toady or one of a nameless rabble of victims.  Or will you finally reach your breaking point, march into the election booth, and pummel this bully with your vote?

Lest you still harbor uncertainty for the likelihood of Scut Farkus having grown up to run as Donald Trump, I ask you to examine the uncanny resemblance.

When I’m right, I’m right.

Who said it — Trump or Farkus?

  1. Farkus
  2. Trump
  3. Trump
  4. Farkus
  5. Trump – Even Farkus wasn’t that mean.

How’d you do?

Peace . . .





Trying to make sense of it all and . . . for the most part . . . doing it.

5 thoughts on “Scut Farkus for President

  1. You nailed it! Trump is a bully but wow he looks so much like the young Farkus. I don’t know about you but this election year is the scariest I’ve ever known. Between the bully, name calling, comments on finger size that led, well you know where it’s a circus. Then there are the actual policies and defunding planned parenthood and the EPA etc….please don’t let a Republican get into the White House.

  2. It is scary. The only thing scarier than Trump is that there are so many people who are willing to follow him!

    He is an embarrassment. The world must look at us and laugh.

  3. All elections are bought and paid for. The outcome is designed ahead of time. The only thing good about Trump is he can’t be bought and made to lie. Everything comes out of his mouth unfiltered. That said, he can’t win an election no matter how much money he throws at it. The powers that be won’t be able to control him. Hilary, she’s trying to stay out of jail so she’s a shoe in. Would I vote for either of them? Hell no. They don’t really run the country anyway. They just get paid to look good. It’s those silent, sneaky bastards that control the money that run things and those in government. The corruption is rampant and we are doomed. You made me laugh with this one. How can I vote for trump when he irritates me to look at him. I’m afraid hilary is a little smarmy too. The good possibilities get run off early. They don’t work well for the machine running things. 😦 I think my soap box might be too big today. Sorry.

    1. We need to stop apologizing for our opinions! I agree Trump’s statements are unfiltered. However, a good leader knows he or she needs to sometimes filter their comments. The presidency needs someone with a great amount of diplomacy. Not a little. A GREAT amount. Hilary doesn’t thrill me but she doesn’t repulse me like any Republican.

      I gotta say I’m feel in’ the Bern! 😉

      1. My daughter said if he got elected she was leaving the country because the whole world would be pissed off at us in microseconds. He will never be a leader, just a bully like you said. I don’t want either but then, no one asked me. She is better at playing the game. He has his own rules. But then most narcissists do. 😦

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